There have been times when I was in a serious world of shit. Unknown danger was ahead and imminent. Either I gather strength or succumb to failure, which may mean a one way ticket to perdition. To confront one's own fears and defy the logic of basic human survival takes practice and experience. How one can fight the unknown with the heart at ease and senses at the ready takes internal fire ( I was gonna say peace at first but that's not true) and a certain amount of insanity. The reasons for such folly are different for all. Once you've seen the dragon, does it call to you? Is road rash, a broken bone, concussion and a wrecked bike the price we accept for running hard. Time to dig deep and gain confidence and bravery needed for the job.
We are at the Manx GP on the Isle of Man in August of 2005. The GSXR 600 superbike I had rented for the two weeks of qualifying/racing had some teething problems while running and was a questionable element in my survival. The choices were to try and run hoping to not have a catastrophic failure or to pack it up. I chose to run. To be able to ignore a danger element yet be aware of it's presence takes a severe form of denial, especially if your pushing hard into the unknown. Acute awareness is needed, not only paying attention to the course and running as fast as you can but also listening to and feeling everything the bike is doing. Major input time, there needs to be a priority list in your head as to what to pay immediate attention to and what can stay on hold as far as reactionary emergency input, a very fine line and your cruising at 150+(going faster is always a constant). Stressing about a possible failure is to waste needed energy, things are happening incredibly fast and you must have an "I can do this" attitude. Weed out the stuff you don't need and concentrate at the task at hand, you gotta have faith.
So while running in the third qualifying practice it had started to rain, my first time running in the rain in all the years I've raced and on DOT race tires at The Isle of Man, a steep learning curve for sure. I have extensive wet weather experience so this is what was called upon. Just before going out on the qualifying run Tim my helper and pal mentions "remember what Wade said", I did it was taped to my triple clamp...YOU BETTER HAVE FUN ALX. This gave me strength, after all isn't that what one should be having while chasing a dream. I laughed while thinking of this in the worst of conditions. It was pouring so much visibility was down and traction was but a suggestion, many yellow flags and riders down, messes everywhere. As the rain was worsening my bike had an electrical failure on the second lap in a rather hairy spot, we were able to restart and move to a place of safety and off to the local pub for a well earned pint, it was freezing and I was soaked but survived to run another day stronger than when I started due to the experiences involved. Are there words that you look upon to gather the courage you need to defeat the fear creeping in like a cold wind across the nape of your neck. There are for me.
Whether it be a lucky charm, clothing, personal faith, or a warm thought there needs to be something to cling to in the darkest of times. Think of these as fortifiers against life's dark side. Certain clothes or trinkets I wear for pure luck, on my well used Made In SF Chrome Backbone Messenger Backpack I have my "dog tags" attached. Did you know the Isle of Man Racers are the only one's that wear dog tags, serious shit there. My other daily bag is a tattered old "used to be made in SF" Timbuk2 (both bags did three tours at the Isle of Man, well worn and still tough) T2 sold out and went to production overseas, a great pity. Indiana Jones wore a lucky bag, he also had a wheel gun and a Zippo. Far away your bag is filled with needed stuff for your life. My favorite riding gear is my Senor Lopez pullover circa 1985, red and black of course, my race colours, almost indestructible the only tear was from a pit bull attack (don't ask). It seems the more holes my Levi's have the faster I go. It's nice to have lucky gear. Superstitious yes however I believe there are no atheists in foxholes, get the strength where you can.
For an entire week every time I went out on the GSXR 600 we had mechanical/electrical problems, morale was low and we were down to the wire, with only four laps left to qualify I had to reach a certain speed AND finish the laps required, crunch time. There would have been no shame to just toss in the towel, my life after all was at stake. A decision had to be made as far as what I was willing to go through in order accomplish the task at hand. An e-mail from Wade said it all "sometimes we have to make our own luck Alx". The GSXR 600 was switched at the last minute to a different newer and proven GSXR 600, again my first time out on it was in the rain, a good deal of set up had to be done on the fly. Then GOD decided to test my resolve and blood pressure, the shifter had come undone at a crucial time, I was able to pull off find a bolt fix it and resume my run, an intense moment to say the least. In the end the final practice was called short due to a Bull on the course, I missed qualifying to enter the race by 1 mph, another lap would have done it. I was shattered and very very tired.
The Sunday after qualifying my plan was to go to the main office and appeal my entry for the Manx GP, thoroughly dejected I walked in to find out I had missed the appeal time. While contemplating a nervous breakdown, the ladies there had seen my dismay asked why I was there, they then informed me that no one said I couldn't run, I was in. I could have kissed them.
There will be times when it seems all is lost, no longer will there be a belief in your abilities or dreams, too many months and lost days gone by, people become disenchanted in your quest. To believe in yourself when all is lost is never easy, it will happen more than once. Sheer will and determination can go a long way in accomplishing your goal, you must believe in yourself and your abilities.
In the end I raced and finished the 2005 Manx GP breaking the ton with a 101 mph lap time. Like Wade said, "Sometimes you have to make your own luck"; very wise words that forever will give me strength.
~Cheers, Alx